19th June, 2020
“Free advice” is one thing which you will get even before you seek, its available in abundance because giving it is the easiest thing to do. Even we do it so many times, don’t we? Unintentionally, involuntarily, unknowingly it just slips out ! I think it’s an inborn instinct in humans to pounce on a problem, take charge of the situation and provide solution. At the drop of a hat we express our perspective, but most of the times we do so only for other’s problems and fail to pause and introspect and that’s why usually these advices don’t really end the problems to begin with.
Even online there are too many astrologers, relationship guidance, a lot is discussed on “relationship”.
I couldn’t help but notice that all these relationship advices available in newspapers/internet/paid phone call services were majorly focused only on one issue- “love/affair/lost love/marital relations”.
Is ‘relationship’ which needs to be looked out for only limited to this?
What about relationships with siblings? With parents? With your children? Infact in many households the unspoken of, shoved under the carpet problem is the lack of proper interchange of dialogues that parents and children face with each other.Not only in their growing up phase or teenage, even grown up children and their parents go through difficult times, with huge communication gaps but speaking about it is a big no-no.!! as more than helping out in these situations unfortunately such topics end up being the gossip story which each one adds on to and enjoys.
Honestly there is no thumb rule that children being young are wrong and elders being aged are always right.! Many a times age has got nothing to do with whose logic and reasoning or approach is more appropriate. Like each coin has two sides so does the relationship, it is definitely a two way thing. Open mindedness and acceptance from the children and elders alike goes a long way to build a healthy atmosphere at home. Expression of gratitude and appreciation just like the expression of differences or anger is very important and necessary to bridge any communication issues within a family.
It’s a heart wrenching feeling to see how a family suffers due to unresolved conflicts, most of the times arisen out of petty issues. Siblings need to remember how they grew up together, caring, sharing and loving each other. The children of the family need to always remember that their parents are the guardian angels, their protector and selfless well wishers and in families where the adamant nature of the elders is the cause of differences, the elders need to analyse and evaluate how did the child whom they gave birth to, raised up, sacrificed their life for become a stranger in their heart? Where does this communication gap come from? Is it because of their friends, their life partners, from some outsider whom they are close to? Or does it come from the attitude they get at their workplace, living only by their qualifications instead of their relation?
I believe the harsh reality is that the communication gap originates because the people involved in the relation let it emerge, exist and let it grow to that eminence where it overshadows the love, closeness, care, memories, everything else involved in that relation and renders all that so infinitesimally insignificant that only the reason for the communication gap becomes the almighty all powerful cause to stick to, even at the cost of loosing what in reality is one’s biggest strength and blessing in disguise, one’s “family”. We have to stop living in denial and acknowledge that no problem is as big or as worthy to give up or sacrifice the family.
The simple ABCDs that apply to families:-
A – “Alter your Ego” and “Adjust your Attitude”,
B – “Break the ice” and “Bond”,
C – “Confront your issue” and “Confess your mistakes” ,
D – “Demonstrate your care” and “let the Differences Disappear” ,
E – “Express what you feel”, and to conclude….
F – “Family” , you must remember is “Forever”, it’s not optional, it’s your tribe, your people, your origin, where you come from and where you belong!
6 thoughts on “To hold on “OR” to let go…??”
Loved the ABCD, Sonali. It’s a lesson that should be taught to children from a very young age for it to be understood and applied.
Couldn’t agree more with you on this. Communication is a huge problem in most relationships.
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Thank you didi. 😊
You are right, we need to start at an early age to ensure that it’s imbibed in our children’s personality.
With age as the ego grows children should know the difference of what to hold on, what to let go and what’s not an option to let go.
Your words are true blend of experience, truth and inspiration.
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Thank you Madhu..
Good one.Lack of ineffective communication is one of the cause . Needs a long debate
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Thank you Sunita.
Yes, I agree with you that lack of proper and effective communication is one of the causes but it’s a very common cause that’s why I chose to elaborate on it through this write up.
And yes, it can be a debatable topic as circumstantially there will be a lot of other contributing factors too depending on each individual case.
The conclusion with ABCDs also points out that there are other causes as well but at the end the most important aspect and message that I aimed to convey is that a Family is “Forever”.