At 3:00pm when Tanmay got down from his school bus, his cheeks were red with anger. His Aaji (grandmother) was quick to notice that today also his mood wasn’t too good. To dilute the situation at hand she said, ” Tanmay, beta guess what’s for lunch today? It’s something yummy and what you absolutely relish!” Tanmay responded quickly,” Pav bhaji?? Please please please say yes Aaji, it is Pav bhaji, isn’t it?” Relieved with his happy response she smiled, ” yes it is and also I have kept mangoes in the fridge for both of us to enjoy after you have lunch”. Tanmay teased her asking what if Aai (mother) came to know? After all with her sugar problem Aaji wasn’t really supposed to have a mango. Aaji naughtily responded, ” it’s your and my secret na betu, I will just have one piece, for giving you company while you eat and as such a few things which Aai doesn’t see, she doesn’t need to know just like your 15 minutes TV break you take in the afternoon at times” saying so she and Tanmay laughed heartily together.

Tanmay shared his routine with his Aaji more than his Aai as when she went to office, Aaji stayed around for looking after him. As expected after lunch he began, ” You know what Aaji, to tell you truly I HATE that Abhishek!!! He is extremely mean and keeps targeting me without reason. All the time he comments on my height, on our family, makes fun of me for being smaller in stature than him. Someday I am going to show him his place. I simply HATE him!” Aaji patiently heard him ranting as she wanted him to pour his heart out. At her age she completely understood how important it was to lend a listening ear. After all isn’t it the key to all good communication? It is only when one feels heard that one feels comfortable to share and eventually listen to what the other has to say.

Now it was Aaji’s turn to speak. She asked him lovingly,” aare Taanu, why do you give him so much importance? If you stop responding to him won’t he eventually find someone else to trouble? Tanmay hastily responded, ” who said he doesn’t already? He keeps troubling everyone whom he thinks is weaker than him as if he enjoys letting others down.”

Aaji had found her catch, she immediately added, ” then the problem lies in him, don’t you see?? A person can give to others only what he feels and has within. A happy person will make everyone feel happy around him and a bitter person will make others feel bitter. The key is to not let his bad emotion change the good in you. You hating him probably makes no difference to him but the hatred that you keep within you changes you for no good.”

” So you mean to say, no matter what he does and let’s me down, I should acknowledge and let it be? Like I have no self respect Aaji? It’s as if giving him the permit to make my life hell myself”, said Tanmay. Aaji corrected his reasoning by adding, ” not to acknowledge or approve it beta but to ignore and not let his actions control your reactions and thoughts, once you can train your mind to do so nothing he does or says will impact you. He is bad and wants to make you feel bad but once you don’t let him make you feel what he intends to, you set yourself free from the burden of his judgment and most importantly from the burden of such a heavy emotion as ‘hate’. It won’t happen in a day or might not happen even in a week but with a conscious effort from your end it will happen eventually for sure my dear.” Saying so Aaji hugged Tanmay to help him sleep and rest. Tucked in Aaji’s warm hug and the comforting smell of her saree he promised her to try and follow her advise before finally falling off to sleep.

Just like the little Tanmay here, we all too have our own Abhisheks in life, we all experience different emotions too, many a times which are beyond our reasoning and ability to bear. Many a times this ‘Abhishek’ is not an outsider, it might be someone who lives right under the same roof as you do, someone you are related to, a family member or a relative as well and in such a case the situation is even more challenging and Complex to go through. While it is not wrong to feel hurt, angry, sad, outrageous, anxious, depressed or bitter, the key is ‘ TO NOT LET OUR EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF US !’ It’s okay to feel but eventually we must train our mind to have the sense and understanding to let it pass off and let it go, to not hold on and become a slave to it. At the end of the day it is your life, you are the lead in it, you are the hero, the superstar ! don’t let anyone else take away your lime light in it or your control, don’t hand over the pen to them to write down the story of what belongs only to you, your LIFE.

– Sonali Bakshi

31/07/2023